Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
