what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
