69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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