Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
