they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
