In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
