I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
so much tequila, so little girl.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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