Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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