She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
