i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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