For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
