I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Randomize
