I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
