So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
