i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
