Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
