It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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