Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
