And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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