Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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