Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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