Ambien. No doubt about it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
