just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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