It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
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you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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