i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
