Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
