today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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