At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
