Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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