dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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