I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
