I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
