I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
