break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
