yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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