I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
