TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
