I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
