I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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