Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
