you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
