It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
