your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
