sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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