I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
