Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
