I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
