he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
