Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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