fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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