No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
