I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
