i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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