ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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