dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
