he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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