ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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