How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
