My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
