I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
