look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
