Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
