the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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