If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize