You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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