Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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