Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
