You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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