No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How does one acquire holy water?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
