We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
