accomplished twins. life is a go
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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