i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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