Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
