Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
