i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
