Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
40s are totally the cure
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize