I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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